hoonie shocked me abit.
just started spilling like that.
but i understand your concern la. its mine too, jsut that i havent allowed myself to think about it.
i refused to think about it.
but now that all these qns and worries start sinking in im scared.
being so naive.
thinking everything will be alright. everything is rosy in HC. just cos its HC and i never considered how things might change and the people (would be seniors) wont be there anymore to shape my experiences but this new group of people.
and how everyone had been bitching abt rgs and scgs etc airheads coming.
as in. i try not to let it affect me? but still.
and how im actually forcing myself to face this reality.
and how much it hurts to know that my PERFECT HC is not wad it is.
and im afraid i'll fall to pieces cos i made the mistake of idealising HC.
and im so scared now.
and i cried during ppt today cos everything just broke down and i felt damn lousy?
slides not in order, missing songs, EVERYTHING.
i was trying so hard telling myself not to cry cos pple will see it and all?
i hate weaknesses.
guess that's my problem that i dont suffer fools.
im so sorry Lord that i try so hard sometimes i just shut you out cos i dont wanna listen and i dont even know it guess that's why sometimes i feel so lousy...
just started spilling like that.
but i understand your concern la. its mine too, jsut that i havent allowed myself to think about it.
i refused to think about it.
but now that all these qns and worries start sinking in im scared.
being so naive.
thinking everything will be alright. everything is rosy in HC. just cos its HC and i never considered how things might change and the people (would be seniors) wont be there anymore to shape my experiences but this new group of people.
and how everyone had been bitching abt rgs and scgs etc airheads coming.
as in. i try not to let it affect me? but still.
and how im actually forcing myself to face this reality.
and how much it hurts to know that my PERFECT HC is not wad it is.
and im afraid i'll fall to pieces cos i made the mistake of idealising HC.
and im so scared now.
and i cried during ppt today cos everything just broke down and i felt damn lousy?
slides not in order, missing songs, EVERYTHING.
i was trying so hard telling myself not to cry cos pple will see it and all?
i hate weaknesses.
guess that's my problem that i dont suffer fools.
im so sorry Lord that i try so hard sometimes i just shut you out cos i dont wanna listen and i dont even know it guess that's why sometimes i feel so lousy...
2 Comments:
At 10:49 AM,
geoklan said…
hey girl.. it's alright to make mistakes.. n it's even better to fail and be weak because onli then we can experience God's grace in us.. probably God wans to tell u sth so all these happened? learn from mistakes.. =)
n for the HC tingy u wan me to help u ask any qns abt tt fr my fren, she's fr HC too.. c'mon, be glad tt HC is not perfect, so tt u wun make it imperfect when u go in.. haha.. kidding..
At 9:56 PM,
ning said…
lol. thanks geok! haha. i talked it out with a senior. and she helped put things in perspective la. hehehe. thanks for the offer of help thoh. wad subj combi does your fren take? maybe i can uh. ask her abt cca stuff. if she takes more than one. cos im trying to find smone like that to ask advice abt. yup. thanks again! <333
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